"That crazy sigil on the back is [Christopher Lee]’s family’s actual crest, the coat of arms of the Roman Empire bestowed by the crusading emperor Frederick Barbarossa. Because Christopher Lee’s bloodline used to hang with Charlemagne, meaning all the swords and castles and fire are so deep within his wheelhouse that they’re probably fucking heirlooms." #CrackedClassic
Jesus was a homeless Palestinian anarchist who held protests at oppressive churches, advocated for universal health care and redistribution of wealth, before being arrested for terrorism, tortured and executed for crimes against the state, now go ahead and explain to me why he’d vote conservative. I’ll wait.
i’m sorry that’s just the best sentence i’ve ever read